Have you ever had a song that becomes your anchor during a season of life?
In many seasons of life, I find that there are worship songs released and it is almost as if they express everything I feel and want to tell God in that specific moment.
The song “As You Find Me” by Hillsong United has become that in my life. If you have not heard this song, I encourage you to listen to it, actually that whole album. It is simply brilliant!
A few weeks ago, I started to realize that my relationship with God had grown a bit stale. I was still doing my devotional and praying but I just no longer felt like it. Don’t get me wrong, I did not drift away from Him and rebel but for some reason, those amazing moments in His presence were no longer there.
It seemed as if I was just praying out of habit and even serving at church was not exciting anymore. I just did it because I know it is what I have to but that fire was gone.
I am unsure how I got to that place. Perhaps a combination of exhaustion and disappointment in behaviors I had seen in others. The sad part is, I saw this happening and I did not feel like making an effort to make it better. God kept whispering to me that He wanted to have those moments of intimacy with me again but I just could not get myself to try to make it better. I felt as if I was telling God “I know and I know it isn’t good but I am just drained and don’t feel like it.”
But then one Sunday, our church began singing this song and as soon as I sang the first couple lyrics, I could feel His presence reminding me that He was not going to leave me there because He loves me too much to allow me to stay in that desert that I allowed myself to be in.
It almost felt as if He was serenading me, calling me back, and reminding me that His endless love will always chase after me. Even if I wrestle, even if I don’t feel like it, He will do everything needed to pursue me. The songs says:
“I have wrestled
And I have trembled toward surrender
Chased my heart adrift
And drifted home again
Till I’ve been desperate to find redemption
And every time I turn around
Lord You’re still there”
He was still there, even when I allowed the insanity of the world we live in to serve as a barrier between Him and I, He was and will always still be there.
As the worship team sang the chorus, I repeated over and over again,
“Your love’s too good to leave me here
You love me as You find me”
I was literally sobbing, declaring those words. Accepting that His love is just too good to leave me in that spot.
You see, no matter what season of life you may be in, He will not leave you!
”Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
If you have failed and sinned, He won’t leave you there my friend, He will cleanse you and forgive you and take you out of the place where you have stayed stuck.
If like me, your relationship with Him has lost its fire, He won’t leave you there either- He will do everything possible to get your attention. He tried for days to get mine but I perhaps I was embarrassed that after ALL He has done in my life, I drifted away from Him. So it was easier to remain there but that was not an option for God. He knows how to get to my heart and He did.
That morning I cried like I hadn’t in so long, the good crying, the crying that just cleanses our soul and allows Him to heal the pain that perhaps we didn’t even realize was there. I experienced one of those moments where His presence is so tangible and we do not want to leave it.
From that moment on, I have continued to play that song over and over again, reminding myself every day that no matter the season, His faithfulness and grace abounds. Whether I am in a season of provision and blessing or in a season of drought, He walks with me and loves me just as much as He loved me the day I dedicated my life to Him when I was just a little girl.
Let’s not allow our relationship with Him to grow stale but even if it does, always remember it is never too late to seek that closeness again because His love is too good to leave us there.