Due to my anxiety and severely introverted nature, I like to control everything I can. Whether it’s planning exactly how I want things to go, or, since I write from home full time, limiting how often I go out into the real world, I try to control every aspect of my life. Vulnerability—being open and honest and willing to let God work on me—is not something that comes naturally.
But God is the only one truly in control, right? And despite my resistance, He’s been working on me through a nine-pound ball of fur: my dog, Molly.
Molly seemed like a normal, healthy dog until six months ago when she had a seizure. Then a month ago she had another one. And the day that I’m writing this, she had another seizure at four in the morning.
If you’ve known a dog with epilepsy, you know it’s not something you can control. It can be managed with medication, but you just have to help the dog say as calm as possible and help them get through the seizures. There’s not much that you can do to help.
Watching my dog seize when I can do nothing to help her besides hold her is one of the hardest things this control-freak has ever had to face.
I’ve procrastinated on writing my post on vulnerability for weeks because I didn’t feel very vulnerable and didn’t know what to write about. But God reminded me at four this morning that only He is in control, and I have to be willing to let Him in and let Him take care of things when I cannot.
I feel like God has been challenging me lately to be more vulnerable.
He’s asking me to be more open and honest with Him and to let Him into all the parts of my life that I try to control.
He’s reminding me that it’s okay to cry out to Him, to tell Him how hard this is and how painful it is to watch my baby girl go through this.
But if I’m vulnerable, if I wait on Him, He’ll help me get to a point where, like David in Psalm 40:1-2, I can say,
“I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.”
David faced many trials in his life, but he trusted God through it all. And in this psalm he rejoices:
“O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us. Your plans for us are too numerous to list. You have no equal. If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds, I would never come to the end of them.” (Psalm 40:5)
Vulnerability does not just mean being open and sharing with others what you are going through. It means being open to God and letting Him work in you. It means waiting on God and giving up control.
I may not be able to do much to help my dog, but I can trust that God is going to take care of us and get us through this together, if I let Him.
Featured photo by: Allison Mims