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Restless Search // By Bethany Thomas

By February 12, 2018All Posts

***Please Read Song of Songs 3 (any translation) before diving into this post.***


Five months into my marriage, my husband’s work called him away from me for two weeks. The job site was 2 hours away and his company paid for a hotel for him. As a newlywed it was a little difficult; don’t get me wrong, the ability to do what I wanted when I wanted was great. Staying up past 9pm was fun (we went to bed early since he had to get up early). But when I finally went to bed— I missed him. By the 3rd day of him being gone I was having trouble getting to sleep. I was lonely and scared of every little noise from outside. My love was gone, and I wanted, no needed, to have him back.


Night after night I’m tossing and turning on my bed of travail. Why did I let him go from me? How my heart now aches for him, but he is nowhere to be found! So, I must rise in search of him, looking throughout the city, seeking until I find him. Even if I have to roam through every street, nothing will keep me from my search. Where is he – my soul’s true love? He is nowhere to be found.  Song of Songs 3:1-2 TPT

The Shulamite woman knew exactly how I felt those couple of weeks without my hubby: alone and anxious. The difference was I knew where he had gone and when he would be back.  


There was one other time I felt this way: during my time in college. But it wasn’t my husband I was searching for, it was God. Coming from a strong Christian upbringing and attending a Christian University (Oral Roberts University) you would think I would have a strong relationship with the Lord. I would be in coffee shops reading devotionals and going to church regularly. But I wasn’t. I was in a valley and couldn’t see the light, I would attend church with friends when I could get a ride, but I wasn’t engaged in the preaching. I was and am a born-again Christian, but I felt so far from God and His love.


Looking at this book of the Bible I can see similarities with my relationship with God and the words written by Solomon. This book is more than a love story between a man and woman. It’s the feelings and passions of humanity and our relationships with God.


I can look at this verse again and see how unpeaceful that time in college was for me. Like the woman in the poem I was searching for the one my soul craved and in this instance, it was Jesus. My search for God is still happening even now. I must constantly search him out or else His presence seems to fade from my conscious.


Take a moment today and think about your life. Do you feel restless and uneasy about anything? Do you feel like you are waiting for more than just a boyfriend, a husband, or a child? Maybe what you are waiting for is the voice of God/Jesus/Holy Spirit to fill your spirit’s ears.


I hope everyday that I will hear his voice more clearly than the day before. It’s going to take more time with Him in my day to day life and I have to remind myself of that every time I wake up in the morning and every time I go to sleep.   


Featured image by Allison Mims

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