Here we are again. I am on my knees, humbled, needing you to once again remind me who I am. I look in the mirror, and I am not sure what I see. Better yet, I am not sure who I see.
My friends say I’m pretty. My dad says I’m beautiful, but for some reason when I look in the mirror I never see enough. Not enough. A tweak here. An adjustment there. Longer, finer hair. Fairer skin. Smaller waist. Bigger bust. Thinner thighs. A more shapely butt. There always seems like there could be more to the woman I see in the reflection.
That guy left. That other guy didn’t pick me. Everyone is getting married. Is there something wrong with me? I’ve been running my race, and I’m getting tired.
So here I am. We’ve been here before, haven’t we? When I have forgotten who I am, whose I am. I remember the days when I was hungry for your word. Hungry to know you more. Hungry to see what your word says about me. Hungry to know how you see me, to know what you call me.
Oh God, remind me who I am. This is my desperate plea. I won’t find it in the world. I’ve tried and failed. I won’t find it in men. That has always left me broken and wanting more. I won’t find it in social media likes, shares and the number of “friends” I have. That has only left me with comparisons and feelings of jealousy. I won’t even find it in my reflection. Beauty is fleeting. I can’t find my identity in image of the girl looking back at me. it feels like sand slipping through my hands.
So again, here I am. Humbled. Stripped down. Bare. Remind who I am.
Your word says…
“I have chosen you and have not rejected you.” Isaiah 41:9
“My chosen one in whom I delight.” Isaiah 42:1
“I have summoned you by name; you are mine.” Isaiah 43:1
“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life.” Isaiah 43:4
“I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honor.” Isaiah 45:4
“I will not forget you.” Isaiah 49:15
“My unfailing love for your will not be shaken.” Isaiah 54:10
“For He has endowed you with splendor.” Isaiah 60:9
“You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand, a royal diadem in the hand of the Lord.”
“Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you; before you were born, I set you apart.” Jeremiah 1:5
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt.” Jeremiah 31:3
Remind who I am, Lord. Help me to be strong in the knowledge of who you created me to be and of your love for me. Let me find confidence that is unshakable. Let me be a woman who knows who I am. Replace the lies in my head with the truth you say. Help me to remember what you say and to repeat it over and over. Whisper your love over the scars on my heart, the wounds from striving for the world’s unattainable beauty.
Speak truth in the place of lies. Let me be so rooted and grounded in it that nothing can shake me. Help me to be strong. Help me to love myself and to see myself how you see me. Every curve, curl, kink, freckle, beauty mark, dimple, it is there for a reason. Help me to see beauty in the eyes of the woman looking back at me.
Your word says your works are good and I am a work of your hand. I am a work of art. Please, remind me if I forget. Your works are good. I am good. Every part of me is beautiful. I am a masterpiece.
Featured image by Dominique Shands