Fighting battles in your head that no one can see is often exhausting. The last year of my life has been by far the hardest I have ever had to endure, and the last few months especially have taken a toll. I’ve felt low and empty, hopeless, depressed, and burnt out. I have had good days and I have had bad days. I however, also have choices. I can wallow forever, or I can war.
Have you ever grieved the loss of a parent and a relationship at the same time? It’s excruciating, ugly, messy, and it it makes you vulnerable. It’s terrifying, draining, lonely, and it’s dark. It can make you sad and then angry at the drop of a hat. You have moments of hope and then nothing at all. Your heart and brain are essentially playing tug of war while riding a roller coaster of emotions for hours on end. You’re not sure if you want to cry on the floor or punch a hole in the wall – or both! When you talk to God, you may end up yelling at Him about the hurt that you’re dealing with. You wonder what would be different if He was here to sit with you.
Wounds turn to scars that serve as reminders of where you’ve been; not just for you, but for others to see as well. Some look at those scars and see beauty in the warrior that you are. You may be weak and tired right now, but that’s temporary. When it’s all over, you’ll be able to take even harder blows and walk through lower lows – you’ve got what it takes. It doesn’t feel like it right now, in fact you hardly believe it. But, it’s making you a better friend and preparing you to be a more passionate wife, and a deeper loving mother one day. Because, you know loss. You know pain. You have history and depth.
Why is all of this important? Because, I couldn’t have done it all alone. Actually, I truly wouldn’t be here right now if I were. I needed the women in my life to come alongside me and fight for me. My mother, spiritual moms, mentors, accountability partners, and best friends – all of which are Spirit-filled believers who know how to war from their knees. This has been a season of loss and drought in my life, and it essentially stripped me of everything I knew. I’ve always been the one that others go to for strength, direction, and encouragement. But lately, I had been the one in need more than usual. I depended on my tribe to help me get back up in the ring when I wanted to tap out… multiple times. They spoke life over me, and canceled out my own lies with His truth.
Let us always be aware of those around us and what they are going through. We all have seasons of trial and triumph. It is a necessity that you be that woman who is there for those in need, but also, don’t be afraid to accept the help for yourself in return.
Keep fighting. You’re a queen. You’ve got this.
Featured photo by Claire Rodahaver