I am tired.
With three kids under two, that may be the understatement of the year. This mom thing can be rough. The chaos is real, and our hearts become raw and exposed. It’s the ultimate in vulnerability, and if we’re honest it, can make us feel like failures: as friends, as sisters, and particularly as wives.
Let me note that my husband has NEVER made me feel this way – he is extremely loving and encouraging. However, being a mom can be all-consuming and hectic; we have children who literally depend on us to stay alive. So how do we keep our hearts refreshed as brides when it’s easier to just lie down and take a nap with the kids? To be honest, I don’t know the correct answer. I’m right in the trenches, but I am learning that embracing motherhood doesn’t mean giving up being a wife to my husband. So, here are three things that I have been learning in my first few years as a wife and mother that may help you with your own journey:
1. Be really honest about how you’re feeling.
When you communicate how you’re feeling to your husband, he will take it as you having a special place in your heart for him. Yes, it may be easier to not communicate altogether. What if, instead of assuming that they “just don’t get it,” we open the door for a good conversation? We may just find that they understand a lot more than we realize.
2. Make time to spend with just the two of you.
Dates cost time and money, and they can feel like a burden or a sacrifice. Even if it’s expensive, ask yourself how much it’s worth to you to stay connected to the man of your dreams. But, when I think about how much the average wedding costs and compare it to dates with our spouses, it’s better for your marriage in the long run. Yes, you have to find a sitter, but you can try Googling, “free and cheap date nights” to brainstorm for ideas. Just get out there and remember why you like each other!
3. Be verbal about all the things you appreciate about your spouse.
My husband has done every last bit of laundry for the past 5 months. (I told you he was awesome!) I appreciate it like crazy, but it’s pointless to only tell my girlfriends how grateful I am, I need to tell him! I find that the more I tell him what I love about him, I am reminded of how much I love him. Expressing gratitude is hard to remember when we are exhausted, running after a toddler or two. It’s much easier to complain about what’s NOT done, but that really only makes them feel unappreciated, and that doesn’t help you stay connected as a couple. Even if he does something simple like unloading and loading the dishwasher; thank him!
Being a wife and a mom can feel like quite the juggling act, but we were made for it! Sisters, we can do this well! It may take a little creativity and some intentionality, but it’s not impossible! Find ways to stay connected to the love of your life. I think we will find it makes us better mothers as well!
Featured photo by Bailey Brigman